5 ways to build community as a queer Memphis transplant
Nowadays, “community” has been turned into a buzzword, diluted to corporate jargon and aesthetically pleasing friend groups. However, valuing community is more crucial than ever, particularly in light of the current hyper-individualistic and loneliness-ridden times. According to a 2023 report, one out of every two individuals in the United States is lonely.
Considering I’m a recent transplant to Memphis and had to practically start over socially, I have first-hand experiences with both feeling lonely and building community.
Here’s a list of five ways I found community as a queer Memphis transplant:
Find a shared interest and/or join a club
If you have a passion or something you enjoy doing, consider joining a group or going to places where people share your interests. I adore being creative, so I started attending Clandestine Creative Club at Ink Therapy. It’s a space where artists and creatives work on projects, professionally or for leisurely fun.
You’ll find people painting, producing beats, writers, etc. and working alongside each other. This space inspired me to pursue new hobbies such as painting and drawing. Reading is another one of my hobbies. I frequent bookstores like Burke’s, Novel, and Demoir Books, and engage in conversations with strangers about their favorite books.
Bookstores provide a haven for both communities and readers, serving as hubs for discovery, learning, and connection. One other place you might discover wonderful people to connect with is at your local library. Libraries are also excellent places to develop lasting relationships. Before moving to Memphis, I worked at a library. At this place, they offered an extensive list of activities like art classes, book clubs, Dungeons & Dragons tournaments, summer reading challenges, game nights, and a variety of other programs.
Another fantastic approach to meet people who share your interests and values is through volunteering. Choose 901 offers an excellent directory of locations where you can volunteer.
Unlearn your implicit biases about others
Before coming to Memphis, I lived in a small town that was mostly white and highly heteronormative. I had no one to turn to for support, and those who were queer kept their identities to themselves. Let’s just say it wasn’t particularly diverse.
My English instructor gave me an assignment to assess my implicit biases during my senior year. I was convinced that the findings would show that I was not prejudiced towards anyone. I was mistaken. The findings were “slightly biased towards Black people.” Being Black myself, I was devastated, and from that day on, I vowed to work on my internalized anti-Blackness.
Doing the work to unlearn your preconceived notions will be a lifetime struggle that requires consistent practice. However, doing the work will allow you to meet individuals from all backgrounds and develop meaningful relationships with them. This includes not just unlearning your racist or anti-Black ideas but also unlearning your preconceived assumptions about individuals of various genders, nations, hair textures, sexual orientations, and other identities.
Invite your work friends out
As adults, we don’t have many consistent places to meet and build relationships with others outside of our jobs. I am mostly an introvert at heart, so I understand the anxiety of asking people out or going to get coffee. Once I built up enough confidence to do so, I met some people that I can’t just say are co-workers anymore. Besides, having friends helps you get through the most unbearable and toxic aspects of work culture. Recent Gallup data reveal that having a “best friend” at work has been more crucial since this pandemic began, even with the enormous growth in remote and hybrid employment.
Don’t use social media to measure your value
I’ve never been one to post on social media, but earlier this year, I decided to start posting on Instagram. Now that I’ve had Instagram for a few years, I’ve realized that people use your account as a number and don’t care about your life or the content you post. So, when I eventually posted for the first time, I was a little upset that the bulk of my followers did not interact with what I posted. I’ve even lost followers. I would compare my likes, follows, and engagement levels to those of my other friends. I found myself overwhelmed.
Also, early this year, I discovered that I had a social media addiction. I discovered that this was the root of much of my misery and anxiety. Seeing individuals with ideal physiques, lifestyles, and lives. I recognized this was primarily a lie. Therefore, I’m focusing on spending less time on my phone. So far, it’s been fantastic. I now have more time throughout the day to accomplish things I’ve wanted to do for months, such as sitting alone in the park or reading more. Also, I’m less weary. We must recognize that our followers are not necessarily our friends or a reflection of real-life success.
Don’t be afraid to try new things
Trying new things is vital for one’s well-being. It broadens our perspectives, tests our talents, and enhances our lives in many ways. This year, I tried a lot of things I didn’t think I’d like, like attending raves or silent parties. Most recently, I attended a listening party for local DJ Texas Warehouse and it was one of the chillest and judgment-free spaces I’ve been to. One of the most radical things anyone can do is to have fun. If our oppressors can, why can’t we.
All images courtesy Quailvarious Brown
