Musings by Lady A: Do It Yourself

For as long as I have been out, there have been troubles in some relationships about where, and with whom, one is to be buried (or anything alternate). Families intervene. One phrase I constantly use is: if you use ground penetrating radar on any row, in any cemetery, anywhere in the world, you are going to find pretty much the same thing in each grave. Some in a box, some preserved, some gone but pretty much the same leftovers. My point is, it’s all about the marker. How one wishes to be remembered can indeed be set in stone. Really.

Pinky Newby and Beth Clower, Forest Hill Cemetery, Midtown. Pinky and Beth were a couple for over 60 years. photo by Vincent Astor

There’s this poem seen in tributes a lot called “The Dash Poem” by Linda Ellis. It’s very sentimental but it basically says that one’s entire life is only recorded by the dash between birth date and death date. Many people, Dorothy Parker was a good one, have written about remembrance after death. Do it yourself, especially if there is no one else who might do it for you. A little epitaph and a little planning can make you significant. Someone is gonna notice and read it eventually. Even after a century.

Partners or spouses deciding jointly, while alive and healthy, can overcome difficulties later on. Columbarium niches are usually big enough for two containers. One grave plot can almost always hold two containers. Buy the marker, put what you want or can afford on it. It will be there a long, long time so keep that in mind.