by Diane Thornton | photo courtesy of Sarah Osborn
With a holistic approach, Our Whole Lives (OWL) provides accurate, developmentally appropriate information about a range of topics, including relationships, gender identity, sexual orientation, sexual health, and cultural influences on sexuality.
Beginning at kindergarten age and extending to an adult level class, OWL has six levels: K2, grades 4-6, 7-9 and 10-12, and young adult and adult.
Neshoba Unitarian Universalist church is one of two congregations in Memphis that currently offer these series, the other being Church on the River. OWLS is co-written by the Unitarian Universalist Association (UU) and the United Church of Christ. The program itself is completely secular with additional texts available that congregations can add if they so wish.
Sarah Osborn, Director of Religious Exploration at Neshoba Church wanted an OWL program at the church, but she found the cost of sending people for training to build a complete program would be cost-prohibitive. Instead, she hosted a national training at Neshoba.
“Anyone can take the training,” Osborn said, “but it’s rare to find someone who is outside UU who wants to take the training. At this congregation we wanted to make it completely secular, and that is fairly unique.”
And while most other UU churches do not, Neshoba opens their classes up to people outside their congregation. It is an outreach program; with the Junior High level cost at about $20 per month, it’s extremely affordable (some scholarships are available as well).
Sarah Osborn is Director of Religious Exploration at Neshoba Church.
“We charge so we can train future facilitators. We had events for an entire day this year, (and called it) Super Saturday.” Osborn said. “We used to have to say, ‘bring your lunch,’ but now that we have some money we can cover (lunch), materials and training.”
The length of the sessions vary by age level. The Junior High program is the longest (25 weeks) and the K2 level is the shortest (8 weeks). OWL begins with scripted programs for the facilitators, complete with possible responses and suggested prompts. Training facilitators is a passion of Osborn’s and key to the program’s success.
Annie Grimes Patton is one of four teachers for the 7-9 group. “I was worried about teaching (OWL), but it’s very, very, very thorough,” she said. “It is scripted, so once you get more comfortable you can use the script less. It has support for facilitators, a full list of resources, and UU support directors for specific topics. It’s great to know you can say ‘I don’t know the answer to that, but I can find out!
“The program is comprehensive and bills itself as ‘Lifespan Sexuality Education’ because as our bodies change and grow (and age), our awareness and needs change. Topics of body autonomy, respect and responsibility are woven throughout,” Patton continued. “Role playing teaches decision making skills, communication, safety and acceptance. Is it respectful to keep quiet about something you saw a peer do? Or is it responsible to share what you saw with an adult, or question your peer?”
Probably one of the biggest keys to the success of the program is not just the well- trained and well resourced facilitators, Osborn says, but that the groups meet for up to several weeks and slowly bond as a small, safe group. When it’s role playing time, participants take bigger risks.
“Potential #metoo moments are role-playing gold. How differently could the news be in 35 years”, she said, “if children today were taught correct terms for their bodies, emotional vocabularies and healthy boundaries? We have had kids who identify on different spectrums. We had a wide range of expression within the class and we could respectfully validate who they are. The curriculum has a lot of info being shared, role playing gives them a chance to use the tools.”
And the children are not the only ones getting training and new tools about the constantly changing landscape of social media, sexual health, gender, pronouns, sexuality and sensuality. Parents get a pre-session meeting and know everything that will be taught.
Sarah explains, “We always offer a parent group at the same time as OWL. The curriculum supports parents and considers them the primary sexual health educator. Parents often leave the adult course with new vocabularies and greater understanding into the experience their children will be having as participants of OWL.”
One experience all middle school participants have is homework. This brings the lesson home (literally), and the children teach the parents something they learned. “One lesson is teaching a parent how to put on a condom,” Sarah laughs. She said that after her son started his own OWL homework lesson, the rest of the family wandered in. It became a good teachable moment, she said, jokingly adding that she did not eat that banana.
When teaching condom application, students use proper terms. Patton laughed and said that they are ‘Ovaltine words’; they don’t sound good, but they’re good for you. She said, ‘we teach ‘penis’ not ‘dick,’ and ‘labia’ not ‘whoo whoo.’’ Normalizing words facilitates greater, clearer communication. And in a day when we are seeing the results of misappropriation of power, of dehumanizing, of over- sexualizing and objectifying sex, these terms and these skills are sorely needed.
To find out more, contact Sarah Osborn at dre@neshobauu.org.
